Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
