so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
