The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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