Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
