Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize