Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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