there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
