i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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