everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She's the barista slut.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
