if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
