Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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