She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
