The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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