Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
