A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
