Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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