I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
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