I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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