grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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