if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize