My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
