sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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