The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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