id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
