He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
