Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Randomize
