somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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