I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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