dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
