I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
