new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
