Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
