im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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