Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I have already put on my inside pants.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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