Pants 0. Shit 1.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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