Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
