one word: firstdatebathroomanal
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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