My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
Randomize
