Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
