I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
