Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
A bitchslap is in order.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
