he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
