Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
