the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
