my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
her facebook's as public as her vagina
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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