found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
