So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
