Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
