I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Randomize
