I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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