well I can't set my house on fire every night
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
