If that was your dad, he is hot
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
