Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
