Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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