bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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