I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
