if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
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