Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
