Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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