Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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