I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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