In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
