Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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