im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
This is classic penis vs brain.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
