i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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