When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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