so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
